YOU CAN RATTLE YOUR CHAINS ALL YOU WANT, BUT UNTIL YOU LIFT THEM OFF OF YOU, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE BOUND!

If you're not pissed off you're not paying attention. If you're not paying attention than you're a part of the problem. And if you are a part of the problem, then i don't think i fucking like you.

Viagra culture

This song sums up how i feel right now....if you care click, listen and read:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9MY86vikjM

Oh and keep "winning" America!

Lyrics to Viagra Culture :
everyday my thoughts are consumed by winning

i must win and everything I do I must win

my car must win
my money must win
my hair must win
my kids must win
my wiener must win
my wife must win
my mistress must win
my trip to the bunny ranch must win

i must win in business
i must win when i mow the lawn
if i do not win i am not control
so i must win
again and again
i don't need more but i must have it
more more
when the game gets old i must win
i must win
everyone else must lose
because i must win
we have met the weapon of mass destruction
and it is us

first in war
first in guns
first in beauty
first in fun
first in waste
first to first base
first in bloody aftertaste
first in waste
first to first base
first in bloody aftertaste

this is viagra culture
this is my legacy

be (be) honored (honored)
you girls gone wild
this is how life must be
to keep the sheep asleep (asleep)
viagra stars
viagra cars
viagra farms
viagra scars
this is viagra culture
this is my legacy

(this is what you get x4)

this is viagra culture

(this is what you get x4)

and nothing is ever enough
we get bored when we can't get stuffed
we like our leaders to be stupid and violent
regular guys like us
whats so bad about my wardrobe
when we are the ones who got overdosed
never share anything with anyone else
or you're a bunch of girly men

this is viagra culture
this is my legacy

The little black dress

Ladies and gentlemen of the mainline, could you please be so kind as to keep your insecurities, politics, and hatred towards women off of my little black dress. Its hot and i want to be comfortable in the humidity.
This comfort is hampered by the leering, shouting, whistling, and general mistreatment by those of you so simple that you can not handle a little black dress. Ladies, if you are so bereft of self-esteem that you must treat me badly because you think i look nice in my little black dress: Stay the fuck home. Get some therapy. Eat your vegetables. Go exercise. Call Dr. Phill or Oprah. Do something to make yourself feel better other than projecting onto me. Your shitty attitude towards yourself is not my problem. And it will NOT be my problem no matter how badly you want it to be!
And to those men of heterosexual persuasion, making obscene gestures and shouting words of the same manner is NOT considered a compliment by any woman with half a brain. It feels threatening and plain old creepy. You really think being rude and objectifying me will make me swoon? Greet me as you would anyone else or face rejection sometimes coupled with humiliation if the opportunity presents itself.

Thank you :)

My narsistic mother

With Mother's day approaching , i thought it only appropriate (and therapeutic) to write about my mother. She's a narcissist. An engulfing but sometimes ignorant, gaslighting NARCISSIST.

She pulls history out of thin air. Events and memories can be invented sometimes with no basis in reality. And heaven help me if I disagree! The whole world is a lie if it should reflect badly upon her. Only she knows the truth and in it she is wonderful and almighty......

Yet should it come to pass that victim-hood should grant her copious amounts of attention, my how the mighty will fall. Flat on her face even! "Oh why should the world torture someone so great!" bemoans my mother. At this point in time she will call me and want all the emotional and financial support she can get out of me. The engulfing narcissist will emerge and demand of me until i can give no longer. And when i can give no longer she will disappear until she needs to feed off of me again. I''ll give you an example:

I m burning with fever and having trouble breathing. I have bronchitis, I'm 25 and i haven't seen my mother for years. Shes back in town and needs money cause she can rarely keep herself a float for extended periods of time. I meet her at the coffee shop despite my illness. I read her Tarot cards to comfort her and kissed goodbye $300 of my dollars. Two weeks later, she calls me again begging me to pay her $100 storage bill. Never asked me if i was feeling better even though last time we spoke my breathing was a bit labored. She just wanted my money. So i paid the storage bill. She only calls me when she wants money or attention. I stopped answering her phone calls after a while and continue to dodge them to this day. She is not my daughter! I am her's!

The horrible things she has gaslighted are to personal for me to dump on the internet. But the things she forced me to take blame and "responsibility" for fucked with my head so badly that i had to be dumped in the looney bin during my younger years to learn to cope with it all. People like my mother should be sterilized so they cannot be permitted to inflict this type of childhood on anyone.

There is always a lingering guilt that i have for feeling this hatred for my mother. Its not that i think i should love someone who hurts me so much or even the respect society says i am to have for my parents. The guilt comes from the fact that I cannot comprehend her lack of empathy. Its literally impossible for me to do so. I want to believe that something this evil can't exist. I want to believe that somewhere in there is a person who can truly love me without strings attached. She is my mother after all.

But then she yells at me when i am in tears because of my grandmother's death and i am reminded of who she is. Even as a child should could not handle my tears. She would get angry at them no matter the cause. I have learned to be emotionally dead inside when i am around her. My normally expressive tone of voice sinks into a flat monotone. My effect is generally dejected. This is not who i am with other people. Only my mother.

If my mother were to die tomorrow, I would feel as though the weight of the world were lifted off of my shoulders. I would feel freed from her binds. Because even though i don't speak with her, i can still feel her presence. I still think about what will happen if I should bump into her. She has threatened to kill me before, fuck she even tried to stab me once. Would she try again if she takes time away from her own reflection to realize that i have rejected her once again? My only hope is that she keeps gazing into that mirror......

Happy mother's day!

The Alimghty Paraguard

I m going to write down my experiences with the Paraguard, which is the brand name for an IUD made out of copper. I think more women need to know it exists. And i haven't found enough sources speaking from the view point of a woman who has not had children. So here is my little contribution. Here is a link to the paraguard website:

http://www.paragard.com/

And now some back round information:

I do not have children

I cramp A LOT when menstruating

I have been told by a doctor that i bleed heavy

These are supposed to be the factors that should have made me run screaming for another form contraception. But i fear hormones! So I chose this form over hormones as added protection.

I should have been able to have the procedure done at the doctor's office. But i think due to the fact that i have not had children, i had to be sent elsewhere. Not all nurses/doctors will insert a copper IUD for you if you have not had children. This is because it will give you heavier cramping and bleeding plus you are more likely to expel the IUD then someone who has had children. Mine stayed in place but from what has been written on it, expelling it does not seem to be a terribly painful process:

http://forum.purseblog.com/health-and-fitness/my-iud-just-expelled-427680.html

http://www.aphroditewomenshealth.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=153554

However 1/3 of pregnancies that occur with IUD use happens when the IUD gets expelled and goes unnoticed. They speculate that women might accidentally flush it down the toilet. So be sure to check your string after menstruation to ensure its still there.

I actually can't even feel the string myself, but it seems to poke at my boyfriend and that is how i know its still in place. I have been told that i can have the string trimmed so that he doesn't have to suffer the occasional poke back from my cervix, but it gives me peace of mind since i can't seem to find it myself.

The procedure was very painful but short-lived. It took maybe 10 minutes-15 at the most. I read in the pamphlet they gave me AFTERWORDS that I should have taken some type of painkiller before coming in. They neglected to tell me that important detail. When they measured my uterus, i experienced what it was like to have labor pains for about 30 seconds. The actual insertion is much less painful, but still hurts. When all was said and done, i was aloud to rest for a moment in the gyno's office before venturing outside. I think i stayed put for only another 10 minutes before i put my clothes on and went home.

Now i am a pedestrian and walked the four miles home that day. That might not have been the best idea. I should have called a taxi or had a friend pick me up. The bleeding was kinda bad and might have been less severe had I not walked home. The cramping was not as bad as i had expected afterwords however. But that did not remain during my next period!

I think i experienced the worst pain in my life during the first 5 periods after my IUD insertion. I am not a drug person by any means, but i definitely took painkillers when ever i could for my cramps.

And i could go through about 2 or 3 super-sized tampons within an hour or less on my first day of menstruation. I would get woozy from the loss of blood until i started to take prenatal vitamins and wolf down a couple of cups of Greek yogurt a day. I remember that i had to take care to stay within the proximity of a bathroom during the first day or so of my period. No concerts for me!

I was told that my body would go back to normal within 3 months. It took a year for my period to slow down to something closer to my normal. In all fairness i found i started getting better within 6 months.

I made quite a few sacrifices for my IUD. But I don't have to get the thing changed for a decade! It lasts ten years. So i figured suffering through a year of hellish menstrual cycles was worth it.

I think might have had a slight allergic reaction to the copper as well considering all the itching i did when i first got it put in. The itching was all over with no rash or clear sign as to why i was itching. I took zinc supplements for a while to counteract the copper and now I'm fine. Taking extra zinc also helps if the copper causes you any additional zits.

And that has been my experience. Take from it what you will.

You know, whenever i heard about about all those pussies who cried about Kurt Cobain's death I thought: " jesus christ you little jerks. get a life"

But now that Peter Steele has died i have been blubbering like a little bitch.
Sorry to compare the two because really there is no comparison:

Peter Steele = Awesome
Kurt Cobain = Suckage

The reason i thought these people were losers was because the were crying for the death of a man they never knew. It doesn't feel that way now.

Your music made me life a little brighter. Rest In Peace Peter!

How cool is it that this exists? Not cool that it has to exist but still :

http://wikileaks.org/

Here is a story about the founder of this website:

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/international-man-of-mystery-20100409-ryvf.html

WTF?

Can somebody please tell me what the fuck this guy is doing?

http://runningfromcamera.blogspot.com/

Is this some type of very uncreative art form that i was unaware of?

Maturity

You cannot replace growing up with censorship. Pretending to longer enjoy anything vulgar in an effort to appease your society/culture and appear "Grown-up" is transparent and dangerous.

It s dangerous because the more politically correct, non-curse-word-using assholes exist, the less we can express ourselves the way we as individuals see fit.

The transparency part lies in fact that you are giving up those words because your "older now" and everybody knows what that means! It means chopping off your hair and getting sloppy, hideous hightlights. It means working yourself to near death so that you can finally sit down when you're sixty! And it means no cuss words or dirty innuendo for you anymore cause you're too fucking much of an old fart!

So why don't you just try to relax and let out a few fuck-you's here in there huh? I won't think any less of you i promise. And maybe we can even develop some sort of freedom of speech?